Be True To Yourself (Men's World Mental Health Day 2024)

“You need to be yourself; you can’t be no one else.”

The lyrics from Supersonic by Oasis say it all for me. Often, we wear a mask as we try so desperately to be lots of things to lots of people. The different groups we navigate daily—family, friends, work colleagues, classmates, strangers, and the online community if we choose to go there. Often, we exist in a world separate from ourselves. This can throw us out of line with our core self, which can force our bodies and minds off track. Whenever we find ourselves drifting far from home, finding our way back to our true selves is key to our physical and mental health.

This is easier said than done in a modern society that is so busy and demands so much of us, but it is possible to do so if we prioritise our well-being. Once we do that, the other aspects of our life have an opportunity to fall into place. We can live a better life, one that makes us feel good about ourselves. So how, even for a few minutes a day, can we travel this road to being more like our true selves?

DO SOMETHING THAT MAKES YOU FEEL GOOD

I recently heard PJ Gallagher, who has been very honest about his mental health struggles, explaining that he didn’t get the whole mindfulness thing until he realised that he is doing it every time he rides his motorbike, something he loves doing. This is where he goes to be present to himself. Whenever we do something that we enjoy, we come out of it in a better place. The trick is to find what it is that works for you. We are all different. No one size fits all. For me, when I’m writing, time no longer exists, and like PJ, I go somewhere else, somewhere safe. I am present with spirit rather than being dictated to by outside factors. This is time for me. Therefore, identifying what you like to do and doing it is key.

MAKE TIME FOR YOURSELF

For some reason, we often run from what makes us feel good. We tell ourselves we’re too busy or too tired. But there is always time, even within a busy window. It’s about prioritising yourself. This might involve asking others to allow you the gift of some much-needed space. It’s about putting yourself first. There can also be guilt attached to this, but if others understand, they will get what they have given to you back in heaps. So what is it that you like doing? Is it a walk by the sea? Going to the gym? Spending time with friends? Dancing? Drawing? Acting? Reading? Playing snooker? Having a pint with the lads? Pottering in the garden? Listening to your favourite songs? Whatever it is, find it and do it. When it comes to your mental health, actions really do speak louder than words.

BE KIND TO YOURSELF

Explore the way you speak to yourself via your thoughts, feelings, and behaviours. Are you hard on yourself? Are you holding yourself back? Do you need to get out of your own way? If so, identify why this is so, and start being kinder to you. Ask yourself if you would speak to someone else the way you treat yourself. Start to identify what you like about being you. What makes you unique? What makes you different? What makes you great? Embrace it. Express it. Reward yourself. Just do it.

FIND YOUR TRIBE

Spend more time, or as much time as possible, around people you are comfortable with. When, where, and with you is it safe to remove the mask? You will feel good energy. Why is the feeling so different when we walk into one room full of people as opposed to another? Your tribe can be small or large, depending on your personality, confidence, or a specific occasion. Who do you sit with on break at work? Who do you sit beside during meetings, on a night out with friends, or a family event? Where do you feel at one with your core spirit? This is why many men express themselves through sports, music or whatever passion ignites the flame within. It’s where we go to get the emotion out. For me, it’s a summer’s day cheering Dublin on Hill 16 with 80,000 packed into Croke Park. Here, I feel the pure, edgy energy a crowd can bring. The same feeling I felt on the North Bank when Arsenal played at Highbury. For two hours during a match, nothing else matters. I might as well have been PJ on his bike.

TAKE A STEP BACK

Slow down. Stop rushing. Take a breath. Take a step back. Be present. Let go. Be still. Watch TV. Have a pint. Have a natter. Have a snooze on the sofa. Put the phone away. Disconnect. Recharge. Take a day off if you can afford to. We should be able to take well days as opposed to sick days. If we did so, we’d be sick less. And remember, flicking the off button doesn’t mean you can’t flick it back on the minute you need to. Even a few minutes a day to yourself can make all the difference.

TAKE A DIFFERENT ROUTE

If everything is getting too much and the main road of your mind feels like a whizzing merry-go-round of the same thoughts, take a detour. Off-road can be fun. It’s less busy, emptier, and has fewer traffic lights. Here, you can take some control back and think about something else for a little while. Go to your favourite place. Imagine spending time with someone special in your life. Pick your favourite ten movies, best ten books, or whatever takes you to a more peaceful space. Even one breath allows the mind the opportunity to shift more easily from one task to another. Here, we can refocus and recharge before we jump back into the craziness of the M50, calmer and more focused on the challenges ahead.

SPEAK YOUR MIND AND LISTEN BACK

The more you express yourself, the more the internal aspect of your life is in alignment with the external. When these are out of line, we can be physically and emotionally unstable. We want to say something, but it remains trapped inside. This is one of the reasons people come to therapy: to hear themselves say what they believe to be unsayable. Here, they can say it in a safe, non-judgmental environment and work out how to say it to the person or persons outside who need to hear it. Saying it out loud frees your thoughts from their internal captivity. This comes back to being around people or in places where you feel comfortable speaking your mind, whatever the emotion being expressed. Here, we can learn to express emotions such as anger, sadness, happiness, joy, fear, hope, and disappointment in a manner that allows sharing, understanding, healing, and compromise. But there is a payoff: we have to learn to listen to the person or people on the other end of the line, too. Expression is a two-way street. I always put communication and connection at the top of the ingredients needed for a strong relationship because, without effective communication, the other ingredients, such as understanding, trust, love, and space, often remain hidden by the noise or the silence, depending on the nature of the relationship.

CHANGE IS POSSIBLE

Even in the darkest tunnel, there is always light at the end, even though we may not be able to see it. Change can happen. There is a light that never goes out. Things can change for the better, even if the climb back up the mountain might have to be one step at a time, but gradual change can add up to a huge shift in a person’s life. Setting attainable goals and recognising small gains build confidence and can be crucial to recovery.

SPEAK TO SOMEONE

If the weight of something is too heavy to carry, speak to someone. It might be a family member, a friend or a mental health professional. At aspencounsellingservices.com we are here to help with a full range of therapy services.